You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
