So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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