He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
