i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
