i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
