My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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