I'm jealous of your bromance
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize