he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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