wat bout pragnant strippers??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
