I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
