Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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