Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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