Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
