She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
