he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
