It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize