I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
