Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Randomize
