Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
