no, he came in my armpit
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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