hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
