Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
