Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize