I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
