I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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