Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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