with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
