I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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