my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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