we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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