I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize