i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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