I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
