I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
