I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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