I love black thongs
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
