I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
