i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
