the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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