u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
