is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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