It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
