how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
