first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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