It's Friday. Sex?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
