Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
