So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
