Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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