if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
