we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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