He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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