He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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