Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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