she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
