This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
