There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
