Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
