YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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