Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
