He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
