East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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