hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
